Coming out of the closet is a difficult step for most of us. And it never ends: every time we meet someone new, a small coming out follows the first one.
We know that this process can be difficult, particularly the first time: we are afraid how the people we love will react. And that's probably the most natural fear in our queer lives! Personally, we believe that we do not want people in our lives who do not accept us as who we are: women who love women (besides many other things). But this doesn't have to be your opinion. You might not want to come out to everyone to preserve relationships that are important to you. But in any case, make sure that you are safe before you decide to come out!
Our coming out stories are quite different from each other and, at the same time, quite the same. For Ilse, coming out was and still is a longer process. Looking back at her teenage years and her 20s makes a lot of things quite clear now: when most of her female friends fancied guys in the movies they watched together, she always fell for the female actresses. But adoring Kate Winslet instead of Leo DiCaprio doesn't mean I'm gay, right? Adoring the Spice Girls and not the Backstreet Boys does just mean that I take them as a role model, not that I always somehow preferred women, right? I mean society says that girls get boyfriends. So that's the right way, isn't it?
Those are only some of Ilse's thoughts she had back then. She did like boys and she did have boyfriends. Her teenage years and 20s were good years. She really was happy with her boyfriend but towards the end of her 20s, she felt that there was something missing. So when most of her friends married and started to plan a family with their partners, Ilse turned her entire life around. It took balls (ovaries) to admit to others and first of all to herself that she wasn't just taking women as a role model. It was a lot more than that and it was inside her all the time. Maybe she was a bit scared to admit it—scared, because it wasn't what her friends and most of the people around her lived by. But finally realizing that she was into women made her feel so free and a huge weight was taken off her shoulders.
She told her closest friends and everyone of them reacted great. Her mom reacted in an awesome way and she couldn't wish for more support when she finally made the choice to come out. But it was a long way for Ilse and she lived through all the fears and questions that come with realizing that one is gay and not straight: What if my closest friends don't accept me? What about my work and colleagues? Will I be treated differently? And even though we know that people who are not accepting us as who we are, are not worth a penny, it's heartbreaking if they actually don't do. So it's perfectly fine to be scared and have all those thoughts and doubts. But after telling her friends and family a new life began for Ilse. A life in which she feels more free!
Else kind of always knew that she loves women: her first experience was with a woman. But she didn't reflect about or name her sexuality until many years later: for her, it was natural, for whatever reason. (For a long time, she thought that she also liked men, but that is another story.) She never hid her sexuality, but she didn't actively talk about it either unless there was a woman in her life. But even then she didn't come out in the 'traditional' way, but simply talked about her new crush/love/girlfriend. For her, it just feels natural. She knows that it isn't 'natural' for many people—or at least it's not the default. Nevertheless, meeting new people often feels like a coming out: you just never know how the other person will react.
Whatever way you choose: make sure you are safe before coming out!
We know that this process can be difficult, particularly the first time: we are afraid how the people we love will react. And that's probably the most natural fear in our queer lives! Personally, we believe that we do not want people in our lives who do not accept us as who we are: women who love women (besides many other things). But this doesn't have to be your opinion. You might not want to come out to everyone to preserve relationships that are important to you. But in any case, make sure that you are safe before you decide to come out!
Our coming out stories are quite different from each other and, at the same time, quite the same. For Ilse, coming out was and still is a longer process. Looking back at her teenage years and her 20s makes a lot of things quite clear now: when most of her female friends fancied guys in the movies they watched together, she always fell for the female actresses. But adoring Kate Winslet instead of Leo DiCaprio doesn't mean I'm gay, right? Adoring the Spice Girls and not the Backstreet Boys does just mean that I take them as a role model, not that I always somehow preferred women, right? I mean society says that girls get boyfriends. So that's the right way, isn't it?
Those are only some of Ilse's thoughts she had back then. She did like boys and she did have boyfriends. Her teenage years and 20s were good years. She really was happy with her boyfriend but towards the end of her 20s, she felt that there was something missing. So when most of her friends married and started to plan a family with their partners, Ilse turned her entire life around. It took balls (ovaries) to admit to others and first of all to herself that she wasn't just taking women as a role model. It was a lot more than that and it was inside her all the time. Maybe she was a bit scared to admit it—scared, because it wasn't what her friends and most of the people around her lived by. But finally realizing that she was into women made her feel so free and a huge weight was taken off her shoulders.
She told her closest friends and everyone of them reacted great. Her mom reacted in an awesome way and she couldn't wish for more support when she finally made the choice to come out. But it was a long way for Ilse and she lived through all the fears and questions that come with realizing that one is gay and not straight: What if my closest friends don't accept me? What about my work and colleagues? Will I be treated differently? And even though we know that people who are not accepting us as who we are, are not worth a penny, it's heartbreaking if they actually don't do. So it's perfectly fine to be scared and have all those thoughts and doubts. But after telling her friends and family a new life began for Ilse. A life in which she feels more free!
Whatever way you choose: make sure you are safe before coming out!
Comments
Post a Comment