Skip to main content

Are you friends?

Yes! Of course we are friends. We are even best friends. We know almost everything about each other. We spend more time with each other than anyone else. We enjoy each other’s company. We talk for hours, we laugh about the most stupid jokes (and some good ones as well). We can be who we really are—in the joyful moments as well as in the sad or stressed ones. We live together. 

But we are so much more than what you are assuming. We also sleep in the same bed. We love each other—not platonically, but romantically. We share more with each other than we would with friends—however close we are with them. When we are holding hands, we don’t do so as friends, but as partners and lovers. And we certainly don’t kiss each other as friends.

So while we would appreciate when people would accept displays of affection as natural and shareable with everyone, this is probably not the reason why people think that we are not a couple. Presenting as rather femme, we are too easily mistaken as heterosexual women. Because lesbians look a certain way, right? Short cropped hair, no makeup, checked shirts. And while some lesbians might correlate with this stereotype, we also know (of) straight women who look exactly like this stereotypical lesbian. And we are sure that not all of them are just 'transitioning.'

At the same time, we know a lot of lesbians (and womxn loving womxn) who 'look straight,' but are not. As we know gay men who don't 'act gay,' straight men who do 'act gay.' And we love this diversity! We love when people are comfortable (enough) with themselves to be who they are. And we wish that we could normalize asking instead of assuming people's gender and sexual identity. Why not ask whether someone has 'a partner,' instead of asking women about their husbands/boyfriends and men about their wives/girlfriends? Why not ask which pronouns to use? Asking isn't (and shouldn't be) too difficult.


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why Intersectional Feminism Is Important to Us

As white persons born and raised in a Western European country, we are very privileged —more than most people in the world . But, at the same time, we are women and we are lesbians. We are from non-academic working/middle class blended families. We are not skinny. Still, we count ourselves lucky. We know that so many people struggle. Struggle with discrimination in so many ways, on so many levels. And we believe that society/societies should acknowledge these struggles. All of them are valid. Some struggle more, others less. Maybe, some people don't struggle at all. But we never know how severe a struggle is felt that we would disregard. We believe that it is important to share experiences of discrimination, that it is important to make these visible. Perpetrators should not be protected. Perpetrators should be called out. It should be normal to call them out. Both of us have experienced discrimination as a woman, as a lesbian, as a child from a non-academic working/middle...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cochem: A Few Days in the German Countryside

Cochem is a place in the German countryside, in Rhineland-Palatinate. Although it is a district seat, it is rather small with about 5,000 inhabitants. Although it is probably easiest to arrive by car, traveling by rail is convenient as well. And as you know: we will always prefer to travel sustainably! We had booked a vacation home with a surprisingly comfortable Murphy bed (our first time in a Murphy bed!) and a little kitchen. Although Cochem had almost no COVID-19 cases when we visited, we nevertheless wanted to be careful and a place where we could make our own food was a perfect solution. But although it rained a lot, we luckily could enjoy a few patios. Cochem lies at the Moselle and is part of the Mosel wine region. The Mosel wines are amongst the best (if not the best) wines in Germany and the local/regional wines in Cochem were delicious. Since Cochem is a popular town for tourists and day visitors, there were lots of restaurants. But this popularity also meant that prices wer...
Post a Comment
Read more