Else & Ilse | LGBTIQ+ adventurers

"Ever had a threesome?" "Hello. Can we have sex all three? Are you active or passive during sex?" "I reduce stress by putting my 10 inches between two sets of lips like those." As probably every other lesbian couple, we regularly meet (well, 'meet') men who objectify us, who use us for their sexual fantasies. Living in Cologne with a rather diverse population—a recent study speaks of 10.6% queer identifying people in Cologne, while just 6.9% identify as LGBTQ+ in Germany's total population—we experience this objectification only occasionally. But as soon as we leave the city and travel in regions where queer people are less open with their sexuality and gender (or left for more open cities), sexual harassment, remarks, and salacious gestures are part of the experience. Representing our lives on social media has intensified this issue. Sometimes, we don't get any obvious messages or comments in days. At other times, we get a few within a day...

We recently talked about coming out in general and that it is a never-ending process. There are always small(er) coming outs every time we meet new people or even when walking down the street holding hands. Kissing in public in a bar. Introducing ourselves as girlfriends at events: all of these are small coming outs. It is a process — for some people it's easy, for others it's more difficult. Some people might even have to fear severe consequences. We, in contrast, are lucky enough to not having to live in fear. But still: there are coming outs for us that aren't particularly easy. One of these not so easy moments is coming out at work. We know from quite a lot of lesbians that they feared the moment when people at their workplace found out about them being gay. You might have a good and much respected position. You're known for making a good job and people respect you. Telling them you're gay should not make a difference in your job position or the respect you'...

Ever since we started our Instagram account, we are harassed and objectified —mostly by men, but also by women. Our most recent encounter started with a simple "gross." We basically knew what this person meant, but we were curious: "what exactly?", we asked. Apparently, it's "SO FUCKING GROSS" to be lesbians, it's "haram" (forbidden by Islamic law), and god will put us in heaven. But the explanation and solution were simple: we can't find a man to love us ("you can't even have a child, dude"), but listening to the Quran would help us. Thanks, darling! Alternatively, we will be going to hell, as another person told us. It's so confusing! Other messages are usually less elaborate, do not offer solutions. One of our 'favorite' ones was just one line: "pee into my mouth, please." (This one was really polite!) Others directly or indirectly asked for a threesome (that's gross!). People (men and women)...

These last few months, we had more than enough time for indoor activities. So we decided that we want to explore queer books, movies, and TV shows, preferably with a diverse crew and cast. And although many are (too) white for our taste, we also came across fantastic books, movies, and TV shows that include BIPoC artists. Today, we want to share one movie, one book, and one TV show with you that we particularly love. Moonlight  (2016), an all-black cast movie, was the first movie we watched during our lockdown. This coming-of-age drama follows Chiron through his childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, also mirrored in the release poster that merges the faces of the three actors playing Chiron into a single face. Chiron grows up with an addicted mother who calls him a 'faggot,' but finds a supportive father figure in Juan, an Afro-Cuban drug-dealer. In the course of the movie, he struggles with his identity and with his sexuality. We started reading Girl, Woman, Other (201...

As white persons born and raised in a Western European country, we are very privileged —more than most people in the world . But, at the same time, we are women and we are lesbians. We are from non-academic working/middle class blended families. We are not skinny. Still, we count ourselves lucky. We know that so many people struggle. Struggle with discrimination in so many ways, on so many levels. And we believe that society/societies should acknowledge these struggles. All of them are valid. Some struggle more, others less. Maybe, some people don't struggle at all. But we never know how severe a struggle is felt that we would disregard. We believe that it is important to share experiences of discrimination, that it is important to make these visible. Perpetrators should not be protected. Perpetrators should be called out. It should be normal to call them out. Both of us have experienced discrimination as a woman, as a lesbian, as a child from a non-academic working/middle...

Both of us are rather traditional when it comes to dating and romantic relationships. But it isn't easy to meet the right woman —even in a city as queer as Cologne. So  at some point, both of us decided to go for it: Tinder. (Else tried a few other apps solely for women but these didn't work at all : only a few women in our region were registered, even less seemed to be active —or interested .) From the beginning, many of our prejudices were confirmed. Both of us matched with women, apparently single and looking to meet another woman, who then asked us if it would be okay if their husband/boyfriend/best friend would join or, probably our favorite, "only watch." We also enjoyed a lot: "and, um, by the way: I'm in a relationship. I'm actually looking for some extra fun. I hope that's okay with you." -   "Um, no. It's not." We don't mind how others live their sexuality as long as everyone knows what they are getting into. But. ...

Coming out of the closet is a difficult step for most of us. And it never ends: every time we meet someone new, a small coming out follows the first one. We know that this process can be difficult, particularly the first time: we are afraid how the people we love will react. And that's probably the most natural fear in our queer lives! Personally, we believe that we do not want people in our lives who do not accept us as who we are: women who love women (besides many other things). But this doesn't have to be your opinion. You might not want to come out to everyone to preserve relationships that are important to you. But in any case, make sure that you are safe before you decide to come out! Our coming out stories are quite different from each other and, at the same time, quite the same. For Ilse,  coming out was and still is a longer process. Looking back at her teenage years and her 20s makes a lot of things quite clear now: w hen most of her female friends fancied guys...