Threesome?

"Ever had a threesome?"

"Hello. Can we have sex all three? Are you active or passive during sex?"

"I reduce stress by putting my 10 inches between two sets of lips like those."

As probably every other lesbian couple, we regularly meet (well, 'meet') men who objectify us, who use us for their sexual fantasies. Living in Cologne with a rather diverse population—a recent study speaks of 10.6% queer identifying people in Cologne, while just 6.9% identify as LGBTQ+ in Germany's total population—we experience this objectification only occasionally. But as soon as we leave the city and travel in regions where queer people are less open with their sexuality and gender (or left for more open cities), sexual harassment, remarks, and salacious gestures are part of the experience.

Representing our lives on social media has intensified this issue. Sometimes, we don't get any obvious messages or comments in days. At other times, we get a few within a day—or just a few hours—like the ones we initially quoted. We know that we could just delete our account and would be rid of them. But we don't want to do that. Although we started our Instagram account with another intention (or, to be honest, without a clear intention), we now believe that accounts like ours are important. Visibility normalizes and ultimately creates change. Many closeted people—of all ages—sometimes need to see that another person (or couple) 'survived' their coming out.

But we keep asking ourselves: why? Why do some men feel the need to ask these questions? Why do they have to lick their lips? Do they really believe that their actions will lead to an actual encounter? Don't they have any self-control? Are they hurt in their pride as men? What are they thinking?

(Also: why is it so difficult to understand the core of a lesbian—as in same-sex—relationship?)

We'll probably never understand. And maybe, that's for the best. Maybe, we don't want to know.