Skip to main content

Threesome?

"Ever had a threesome?"
"Hello. Can we have sex all three? Are you active or passive during sex?"
"I reduce stress by putting my 10 inches between two sets of lips like those."

As probably every other lesbian couple, we regularly meet (well, 'meet') men who objectify us, who use us for their sexual fantasies. Living in Cologne with a rather diverse population—a recent study speaks of 10.6% queer identifying people in Cologne, while just 6.9% identify as LGBTQ+ in Germany's total population—we experience this objectification only occasionally. But as soon as we leave the city and travel in regions where queer people are less open with their sexuality and gender (or left for more open cities), sexual harassment, remarks, and salacious gestures are part of the experience.

Representing our lives on social media has intensified this issue. Sometimes, we don't get any obvious messages or comments in days. At other times, we get a few within a day—or just a few hours—like the ones we initially quoted. We know that we could just delete our account and would be rid of them. But we don't want to do that. Although we started our Instagram account with another intention (or, to be honest, without a clear intention), we now believe that accounts like ours are important. Visibility normalizes and ultimately creates change. Many closeted people—of all ages—sometimes need to see that another person (or couple) 'survived' their coming out.

But we keep asking ourselves: why? Why do some men feel the need to ask these questions? Why do they have to lick their lips? Do they really believe that their actions will lead to an actual encounter? Don't they have any self-control? Are they hurt in their pride as men? What are they thinking?
(Also: why is it so difficult to understand the core of a lesbian—as in same-sex—relationship?)

We'll probably never understand. And maybe, that's for the best. Maybe, we don't want to know.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Happy birthday, Else!

Today is a very special day because it is Else's birthday! For me (Ilse) this is my favorite day of the year because I love surprising Else. I wish her birthday celebration could go on for days and weeks. Just make it an Else-year. I never thought that I would meet my soulmate on tinder when I started using the app about 2 years ago. Flash forward to November 9th 2020. Else is sitting next to me while I am writing this blog text. I never thought that I would be so happy in 2020. She makes me incredibly happy. She is the most caring and most funny person in the universe and she always manages to make me smile or laugh even when I'm in a really bad mood or even when the world seems to be going down. 2020 is a very challenging year for everyone. The pandemic is affecting the mood. It sometimes depresses me a lot and I start to worry or miss things so much. And then there is Else who never fails to cheer me up and to put me in a good mood. And now, more than ever, it is so importan...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why Intersectional Feminism Is Important to Us

As white persons born and raised in a Western European country, we are very privileged —more than most people in the world . But, at the same time, we are women and we are lesbians. We are from non-academic working/middle class blended families. We are not skinny. Still, we count ourselves lucky. We know that so many people struggle. Struggle with discrimination in so many ways, on so many levels. And we believe that society/societies should acknowledge these struggles. All of them are valid. Some struggle more, others less. Maybe, some people don't struggle at all. But we never know how severe a struggle is felt that we would disregard. We believe that it is important to share experiences of discrimination, that it is important to make these visible. Perpetrators should not be protected. Perpetrators should be called out. It should be normal to call them out. Both of us have experienced discrimination as a woman, as a lesbian, as a child from a non-academic working/middle...
Post a Comment
Read more

Our Favorite Destinations in Cologne (Part 2): Rheinpark

Last Sunday, for our monthversary, we returned to the Rheinpark—a wonderful park at the Rhine, which we had visited during one of our first dates. The park is located at the other side of the river and might be the biggest park in Cologne. To get there, we would always recommend walking over the Zoobrücke which offers wonderful views on the Dom, Cologne's iconic cathedral, and the Hohenzollernbrücke with its thousands of padlocks symbolizing love.  But even if you don't walk across this bridge, the beach in the northern corner of the park has fantastic views! And even though this beach is not in the Caribbean, it is wonderful to stay here for a while—we even saw geese and goslings! (If you want to be more active and/or have children, you'll also find a skate park and a very diverse playground here and at other places in the park.) Although walking around this park in itself is wonderful, it is also fascinating to watch its diverse visitors and find political street art. And...
Post a Comment
Read more