Coming Out at Work

We recently talked about coming out in general and that it is a never-ending process. There are always small(er) coming outs every time we meet new people or even when walking down the street holding hands. Kissing in public in a bar. Introducing ourselves as girlfriends at events: all of these are small coming outs.

It is a process—for some people it's easy, for others it's more difficult. Some people might even have to fear severe consequences. We, in contrast, are lucky enough to not having to live in fear. But still: there are coming outs for us that aren't particularly easy. One of these not so easy moments is coming out at work.

We know from quite a lot of lesbians that they feared the moment when people at their workplace found out about them being gay. You might have a good and much respected position. You're known for making a good job and people respect you. Telling them you're gay should not make a difference in your job position or the respect you're earning for what you do. But sadly, we know that reality sometimes is different. Especially men might treat you differently when finding out you're with a woman. All of that shouldn't matter and you should be true to yourself and others and think "whatever" ... But this is not always as easy as it seems.

For both of us coming out at work was luckily never associated with negative consequences. Else, on one hand, never hides her true self when working in academia or when teaching and whenever asked she tells people about her being into women or having a girlfriend. In these spaces, she never experienced negative reactions. But this changes when she does ethnographic fieldwork in countries where queer people are not respected and same-sex relations are/were legally punishable. She never could be herself. Ilse, on the other hand, was quite scared to admit that she now has a girlfriend. But when she did, she couldn't have had better reactions from her employers. They were very accepting and, most importantly, they were just really happy for her.

We both can talk about our relationship and being gay at work. We go to work events as a couple. And we know that we got really lucky with the people that we have in our lives—knowing very well that this is definitely not the case for everyone.

In the end your sexual orientation doesn't affect your work and in a perfect world no one would care about it. Let's hope that one day everyone can love who they want without having to fear consequences regarding their job position. Until then: make sure that you are safe before coming out.