Please Label Yourself!

"Soo ... You are lesbian now?"

"What? Are you gay or straight?"

"But you dated men before!”

Most of us have experienced questions and exclamations like these. And although we understand that it is so much easier to put someone in a box, to have an unambiguous label, it’s not always so easy for the person who’s asked to label themselves.

Both of us dated men before. Else always knew that she likes women as well; Ilse took a while longer to understand—although the signs were there. Naturally, people were and are confused. Lesbian? Bisexual? Pansexual? (Although that’s something no one ever asked us yet.)

For quite a few years, Else didn’t label herself at all—it was what it was. Ilse, when she finally realized that she wants to be with women, didn’t label herself either. Both of us aren’t interested in men anymore, neither sexually, nor romantically. So at some point, we started to label ourselves as lesbian or homosexual. We also like the term queer since it reflects the fluidity of sexuality and attraction—and we like to reframe the homophobic slur. We often use the acronym LGBTQ+ because we like that it tries to incorporate every sexuality. And although we welcome that it keeps adding initials, it is becoming quite unhandy—why we are going with the plus.

We understand that it might be quite difficult to adjust when someone has always been (or seems to have been) with one gender. We understand that the default is cis-heterosexual. But not everyone wants to label themselves. Some just don't know, others don't care. And that’s okay. It is so important to not just assume someone’s sexuality and someone’s gender. Everyone should have the opportunity to label themselves—when and if they want to.

Comments

Happy birthday, Else!

Today is a very special day because it is Else's birthday! For me (Ilse) this is my favorite day of the year because I love surprising Else. I wish her birthday celebration could go on for days and weeks. Just make it an Else-year. I never thought that I would meet my soulmate on tinder when I started using the app about 2 years ago. Flash forward to November 9th 2020. Else is sitting next to me while I am writing this blog text. I never thought that I would be so happy in 2020. She makes me incredibly happy. She is the most caring and most funny person in the universe and she always manages to make me smile or laugh even when I'm in a really bad mood or even when the world seems to be going down. 2020 is a very challenging year for everyone. The pandemic is affecting the mood. It sometimes depresses me a lot and I start to worry or miss things so much. And then there is Else who never fails to cheer me up and to put me in a good mood. And now, more than ever, it is so importan...

Happy Pride Month?

We were and are so excited for Pride Month! Although most Pride festivities are canceled this year (Cologne Pride is, for now, postponed, so we still have some hope ...), we couldn't wait for this month of visibility, of pride (not just Pride), of rainbow flags, of support, of loving each other. Then, George Floyd was brutally killed. And although we cannot imagine how it must feel to be Black or a person of color, we can't stand this injustice. We will do everything we can to stand with you. To fight with you. Pride started as a riot. And although we do not support violence, it doesn't seem likely that this injustice will end without another riot. We stand with you. We won't have queer equality if we don't have racial equality. Black lives matter. The lives of people of color matter. Remember those who died from police violence. Say their names and never forget.

Why Intersectional Feminism Is Important to Us

As white persons born and raised in a Western European country, we are very privileged —more than most people in the world . But, at the same time, we are women and we are lesbians. We are from non-academic working/middle class blended families. We are not skinny. Still, we count ourselves lucky. We know that so many people struggle. Struggle with discrimination in so many ways, on so many levels. And we believe that society/societies should acknowledge these struggles. All of them are valid. Some struggle more, others less. Maybe, some people don't struggle at all. But we never know how severe a struggle is felt that we would disregard. We believe that it is important to share experiences of discrimination, that it is important to make these visible. Perpetrators should not be protected. Perpetrators should be called out. It should be normal to call them out. Both of us have experienced discrimination as a woman, as a lesbian, as a child from a non-academic working/middle...

Else & Ilse | LGBTIQ+ adventurers

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