Please Label Yourself!

"Soo ... You are lesbian now?"

"What? Are you gay or straight?"

"But you dated men before!”

Most of us have experienced questions and exclamations like these. And although we understand that it is so much easier to put someone in a box, to have an unambiguous label, it’s not always so easy for the person who’s asked to label themselves.

Both of us dated men before. Else always knew that she likes women as well; Ilse took a while longer to understand—although the signs were there. Naturally, people were and are confused. Lesbian? Bisexual? Pansexual? (Although that’s something no one ever asked us yet.)

For quite a few years, Else didn’t label herself at all—it was what it was. Ilse, when she finally realized that she wants to be with women, didn’t label herself either. Both of us aren’t interested in men anymore, neither sexually, nor romantically. So at some point, we started to label ourselves as lesbian or homosexual. We also like the term queer since it reflects the fluidity of sexuality and attraction—and we like to reframe the homophobic slur. We often use the acronym LGBTQ+ because we like that it tries to incorporate every sexuality. And although we welcome that it keeps adding initials, it is becoming quite unhandy—why we are going with the plus.

We understand that it might be quite difficult to adjust when someone has always been (or seems to have been) with one gender. We understand that the default is cis-heterosexual. But not everyone wants to label themselves. Some just don't know, others don't care. And that’s okay. It is so important to not just assume someone’s sexuality and someone’s gender. Everyone should have the opportunity to label themselves—when and if they want to.

Comments

"You can't even have a child, dude."

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Monthversary

We've been together for more than a year now, but we still celebrate our monthversaries — with one exception. Last month, both of us were wondering whether it was a noteworthy day. Ilse twisted her mind: whose birthday is it? Else checked her calendar for birthdays of her friends. At some point we talked about it: Ilse: "I have the feeling today is a special day. It might be a birthday, but I have no idea whose it could be." (Else made a suggestion that turned out to be correct, but it wasn't a birthday we would ever celebrate.) A few days later, we realized what we forgot: our monthversary! Ever since we talked about being a couple and settled on a date (it almost never is just one day, is it?), we try to make this day a special one: we make each other small — usually handmade — presents, prepare surprises and/or go to an extravagant (more or less ...) restaurant. We spent one of our favorite monthversaries at an Israeli restaurant on the eighth floor with f

Else & Ilse | LGBTIQ+ adventurers

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