Please Label Yourself!

"Soo ... You are lesbian now?"

"What? Are you gay or straight?"

"But you dated men before!”

Most of us have experienced questions and exclamations like these. And although we understand that it is so much easier to put someone in a box, to have an unambiguous label, it’s not always so easy for the person who’s asked to label themselves.

Both of us dated men before. Else always knew that she likes women as well; Ilse took a while longer to understand—although the signs were there. Naturally, people were and are confused. Lesbian? Bisexual? Pansexual? (Although that’s something no one ever asked us yet.)

For quite a few years, Else didn’t label herself at all—it was what it was. Ilse, when she finally realized that she wants to be with women, didn’t label herself either. Both of us aren’t interested in men anymore, neither sexually, nor romantically. So at some point, we started to label ourselves as lesbian or homosexual. We also like the term queer since it reflects the fluidity of sexuality and attraction—and we like to reframe the homophobic slur. We often use the acronym LGBTQ+ because we like that it tries to incorporate every sexuality. And although we welcome that it keeps adding initials, it is becoming quite unhandy—why we are going with the plus.

We understand that it might be quite difficult to adjust when someone has always been (or seems to have been) with one gender. We understand that the default is cis-heterosexual. But not everyone wants to label themselves. Some just don't know, others don't care. And that’s okay. It is so important to not just assume someone’s sexuality and someone’s gender. Everyone should have the opportunity to label themselves—when and if they want to.